For over six months I have been coping with sciatic pain down my right leg. It started in September 2013, and I turned to physiotherapy to help manage the pain. It didn't really help, although I always felt better in the short term. I turned to my doctor, who prescribed a nerve pain management drug called amitriptyline - I didn't see much benefit from that either.
After Christmas, I tried a course of acupuncture; that didn't do anything. The pain continued to get worse and less and less manageable.
My dosage of amitriptyline was increased. Co-codamol was added to the mix, to help with the daily pain.
Then in late March it all became too much for me, and I took a week off work. That week became five weeks off, and the doctors upped the dosage of amitriptyline to 50mg each day, with dicolofenac, an anti-inflammatory, three times a day, and 5mg of diazepam as needed.
I had to suspend my gym membership and give up my personal trainer; I could barely walk, never mind lift weights or run 5km on a treadmill. In an a cruel irony, one of the suggestions for dealing with back pain is to lose weight, which is precisely what I was doing when the back pain flared up.
Those five weeks off helped - my body appreciated the rest, the diazepam helped with the muscle spasms, and eventually I returned to work on a phased basis. My first week back, I worked just 4 hours a day. The second week, 5 hours. The third week, 6 hours a day. Last week I returned to my full 7 hours and 24 minutes. I ran out of diazepam, and work was busy with lots of very long and tedious meetings. Walking became progressively more difficult, even sitting was painful. I was regressing.
This weekend was a long weekend for me, with both Friday and Monday being holidays for civil servants. I hoped a few days off work, and my full dosage of pills, would return me to some kind of normality. It wasn't to be. By Saturday afternoon, my leg was in so much pain I couldn't walk on it at all. I couldn't even hop on my left leg, the right leg was constantly painful. That evening, I cooked a ready meal in the microwave, then dragged my body across the floor, pushing the plate in front of of me, from the kitchen to the lounge. At 9pm I asked a neighbour to help me into bed and fetch my pills. I called NHS 24, who eventually called me back and promised to send round an out-of-hours GP. The GP called, around 11pm, saying that she was going to be late, and asked if I could make my own way to the hospital. Given that I was lying on the bedroom floor, unable to move from room to room, never mind down a flight of stairs, into a taxi, then across town, I declined her less-than-helpful offer. The GP said that she didn't carry any drugs more powerful than the ones I was already taking, so told me it was fine to just take more. So I took my fifth diazepam that day (2 more than my prescription) and took two amitriptyline, 100mg in all. And somehow I fell asleep.
I woke on Sunday morning feeling dazed and confused, but mobile. But the nerve pain returned, with pins and needles running up and down my entire right leg. I called a friend, who agreed to go the shops for me and made me lunch. She even washed the dishes in the kitchen - I am blessed with a few but very dear friends. I took an amitriptyline during the day, and I dosed off to sleep. My friend, bless her heart, dosed off on my sofa.
Now it's Monday morning, and I feel... fine. Not perfect. Still a little sore. Still wary of pins and needles, particularly when I stand still for any length of time, like peeing. I'm acutely aware of my back position as I sit at my desk writing this post - the first time I have sat at my computer since Thursday. But so much better than I felt on Friday or Saturday. It's hard to know why - did my double-dosing of amitriptyline really help? Maybe I just needed lots of consistent rest and sleep? Was I only in pain because I tried to do too much at work? It's really difficult to unpick all the factors that may or may not have contributed to my relapse and my apparent recovery today. If only I could clone myself and perform a randomized controlled trial on the clones.
I need to decide whether I am fit enough to return to work tomorrow - I really hope I am. Can I work from home part-time? Maybe it's the commute on the bus that really hurts me, or is it the long planning meetings we have on uncomfortable chairs?
All I know for sure is that I have a slipped and desiccated disc between my L5 and S2 vertebrate. I am dependent on addictive drugs like co-codamol and diazepam, and non-addictive drugs like amitriptyline and diclofenac (plus senna to help me poo). I'm on a waiting list to see a neurosurgeon, but have heard nothing to say how long that waiting list is. It's difficult to maintain a positive mood, and I need regular contact with my friends and family to help me through it.
Life kinda sucks right now.